Reasons You Should Have Your Mole Checked

Hemlines are up, and so are rates of skin cancer. But if you’re addicted to that burn anyway, here are seven signs you should look for if you’re concerned at all about dying from a completely preventable disease:

1)  YOUR MOLE SPEAKS IN SPANISH

Moles shouldn’t speak at all. If your mole speaks in Spanish, it’s a sign that the mole is a “foreign mole” (medical term, not mine) and probably aims to do you harm.

2) YOU HAVE MOLES

It’s not natural for the human body to have any moles. So if you have even one, don’t bother even going to the dermatologist — just head straight for the morgue and pick out your slab, pal.

3) YOU HAVE NO MOLES

You probably have cancer either way. Check with your doctor to find out what you should do about your cancer.

4) MOLES

Moles.

5) MOLES. MOLES.

Moles moles moles moles moles.

6) YOUR MOLES SPELL OUT RACIST JOKES

Not OK anymore, moles. Maybe in the 1950s, but not now.

7) YOUR MOLES ARE CHOCOLATE CHIPS

Always check for this one. If they are in fact chocolate chips, just eat the moles and chillax. Stop stressing out so much, dude.

About Zack Newkirk

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