Kyle Keating, contributor
The Top 10 Cereal Toy Ideas That Never Made It Into Production
#10 – Skateboard Bearings
While cereal producers thought they had captured the niche market crossover with skaters and cereal consumers, putting skateboard bearings into cereal made it taste rusty and oily.
#9 – Silly Putty
We all love cereal and we all love Silly Putty. Unfortunately, placing raw silly putty into cereal boxes morphs all the cereal together and is difficult to get rid of.
#8 – T-Shirt Gun
Who doesn’t love a fucking T-Shirt gun? However, the engineers behind T-shirt guns could not scale it down small enough to fit inside of a conventional cereal box.
#7 – Live Lizard
Kids and adults all love lizards. They are green, introverted, and a delight of a Saturday afternoon. The only problem is, if a box of cereal stays on the shelf too long, he will eat all the cereal and shit everywhere. Also, all the other problems associated with it.
#6 – More Cereal
This was a rejected idea, for obvious reasons. The main one being that people would not be sure which part was the prize and which part was just the normal cereal.
#5 – Walt Disney Action Figure
While children love Disney, the Walt Disney action figure was rejected from cereal boxes because when you pulled back on the string it playfully muttered anti-semitic remarks.
#4 – Kanye West
Kanye asked if he could be a cereal box toy. He was told that he is a human and would not fit. This is still being explained to him.
#3 – Live Grenade
Cereal producers decided it would be bad for business if consumers blew themselves up. This idea was quickly rejected but remains on the table for more discussion.
#2 – Miley Cyrus Foam Finger
We all want team spirit, but this foam finger was not in the family oriented direction that cereal producers wanted to go.
#1 – Raccoon Fur
Someone was convinced that kids love raccoon fur. They don’t, they just don’t.