I didn’t want to write this review. Old people, frankly, creep me the shit out. They are what I know I will become after my looks, which is basically all I have skill-wise, fail me. I will look worse than your grandmother, even, because I spend so much time in the sun increasing the width and number of my moles and that shit adds up.
So, It was Thursday. I chose Thursday to eat there so your “Gram” wouldn’t make a big to-do, but I guess she didn’t get the memo. Probably because the memo was e-mailed and she uses the computer that your uncle gave her to hold her cat.
She made a big to-do.
I listened to her probably made up stories about the Korean War. Was she in the war? Just for my own personal knowledge, tell me. I’d like to know.
The spiral cut ham was delicious. She showed me how she cut it. She put her finger in the air and spiraled it downward in a cutting fashion. I thought it was excessive information, but old people are kooky.
She ate very slowly. Very, very slowly. She left some creamed corn on her chin for what seemed like an eternity before she dabbed it off with a cloth napkin. CLOTH NAPKINS! Your family must have money.
The musty smell of your “Gram’s” house was on the homey side, and not on the Humboldt bachelor side, so that was nice. The cat hair was minimal. Was that cat alive? It was still on the computer when I left.
Before I did leave, though, I put my Iowa State hat on her and taught her how to shakah. I made her sign a release form, then I told her she was like a grandmother to me. I was lying, but her ham was pretty great.
Your grandma is my new friend and she’ll probably leave me her money. I’ll take you to Subway to celebrate! We’ll review Subway together!
6 cats out of 7 cats on a computer