The country of Thailand is highlighted in this map. Bangkok, the capital, is shown as a call-out.

Restaurant Review – The Entire Country of Thailand

Thai food is God’s balls dipped in coconut milk. We all know this. It is angel breast milk and there is no reason to review it here. We all know it is amazing.

Instead I’m going to give my impressions of Western Food in Thailand. The bad, the bad, and the ugly.

Thai people love/think we also love mayonnaise

They love it so much it is on every table in a squeezy jar. Just right out on the table in the heat like bizarro world ketchup. When food came it was a bingo game of what weird thing would have a dollop of semi-transparent mayonnaise on it. The egg? Yep!

The bread is square

Picture Sponge Bob squarepants, naked, without arms, legs or a face. I don’t know why their perfectly square slices of bread weird me out so much.  The idea that a sandwich can go together any way it wants is mindblowing. A mayonnaise sandwich, that is.

Corn is a sweet flavor

Corn pancakes, corn ice cream, corn yogurt. Are we the ones that are wrong here? Aliens would place sweet corn in the sweets category, but I will forever place it in the tex/mex chunky salsa category.

Western Breakfast means Full English Breakfast

Which in itself is like Wut? and full of questionable choices. Homesick Americans are fooled by this one all the time. The result is twofold homesickness with a side of alienation and a dollop of mayonnaise.

The Western food in Thailand gets zero stars, but no one is complaining. It’s your fault for not ordering Thai food which gets 187 stars out of 10.

About Sarah Godlin

Sarah Godlin, one of the creators of Savage Henry, lives in the heart of Humboldt County, California. She has a bit of a Napoleon Complex, but all in all is a hell of a gal. She's responsible for the fold-in's, Catty Mean Girl, the Monthly Confessions, The parental Warning, many features and a grip of the other funny that make Savage Henry so great. She also wrangles writers. If you think you're a funny writer, get a hold of her. She can loud whistle, play harmonica and back a trailer into a tight space. She's a lefty and a Clippers fan. She's also a Raiders fan but don't hold that against her, she enjoys winning just as much as the next person. You can follow her on Twitter! twitter.com/bloglin You can send her emails! godlin@savagehenrymagazine.com You can send her presents! http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/f2aa/ 791 8th Street, Suite 5 Arcata, Ca 95521

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