“Thank you for eating all the corndogs I bought. It’s ok, I love eating toothpaste for dinner anyway.”
We’re out of toothpaste.
“You left pee in the sink.”
Thank you for not wasting water buddy. I love you.
“I’m so happy you’ve let your brother and his dog sleep on the couch rent free.”
Why don’t you give him my room?
“I don’t buy milk so you can drink it.”
I have enough money to buy milk.
“Could you please have quieter sex?”
Could you fuck louder so I can cum?
I got this one bro, don’t worry.
“You used all the hot water, I had to take a cold shower.”
Thank you for planning your day better than me.
“The dishes aren’t going to do themselves.”
The dishes will do themselves.
“The neighbor said your dog keeps eating his homework.”
I’ve been eating the neighbor’s homework.
“Your boyfriend is a dick.”
I’ve been banging your boyfriend.
“There’s windex in the house for a reason.”
I’m going to kill myself.
“Could you play your music any louder?”
I love Enya.
“Disc three of season 4 of Modern Family is missing.”
Your father and I are getting a divorce.
“Found your house keys left in the door again.”
You had way more fun than me last night.
“I wish you would die.”
I’m so alone.