Savage Henry’s Most Eligible Bachelor

Emily Hobelmann, contributor

Savage Henry Magazine recently broadened its horizons out beyond the Redwood Curtain, and guess what we found out there… Hot single men like our June bachelor — hottie with the body. Reader, please meet…

Edgar, 37, double-job ninja — shipping manager + server; Loomis. 

E-money’s got his shit together. Straight up. He’s definitely not a man-child, and really, guys don’t get much better than him. He works for a growing Northern California soil manufacturer (Get it…? Grow- ing!), plus he waits tables at a mega-popular restaurant. Boo. Ya. Ball. Er. Do the math — E-Money clearly has a good thing goin’ on.

He’s got a big smile and a big family, and for the record, Ed- gar is family-first kinda guy. Translation: if you wanna date this fella, get over yourself, like right meow. E-Money’s roots stretch down to South Lake Tahoe, but these days he’s straight up Central Valley — country, horses, and cows baaay-bee! Ed- gar rides a Yamaha V-Star cruiser — keep your eyes peeled for the lusty dark curls of his Mexi-fro blowing in the wind.

THE E-MONEY PLUS: Freakishly large hands.

THE E-MONEY MINUS: He works a lot.

CELEBRITY CRUSH: Megan McCormick from the Globe Trekker series. (He’s got good taste… She’s hot and she’s worldly.)

CELEBRITY LOOK ALIKE: Robert Deniro. Al Pacino. Andy Garcia. Mr. Bean.

GREAT FIRST DATE: Mini golf, bumper cars, + the arcade. Yessssss. Roller skating is an option too.

TURN ONS: Healthy eating habits. Confidence. Ladies with no teeth. (Every bachelor hopes for one, dontcha know.)

TURN OFFS: Overbearing women. Tyrants need not apply. MILFs: Oh yeah.

ON BODYSCAPING: E-Money keeps up on his manscaping, and he definitely appreciates a well-manicured ladyscape. (Hell, who doesn’t?)

TEXTS VS. PHONE CALLS: Neither. Once you get to know him a bit, this hottie prefers real life, in-person flirtation.

DADDY ISSUES: E-Money doesn’t have any daddy issues — he loves his dad. You should know, however, that E-Money has definitely caused a lady or three to yell out, “¡Ay Papi!” (That sort of salaciousness is technically not an issue though.)

This Libra has a big, big heart. Example: He is allergic to cats, yet he still pets them. That is so sweet. The kitties love him! But, all sweetness aside, S.H.I.T. advises against trying the needy- kitty routine on Edgar — it may work for the cats, but it will not work for a girlfriend.

Go with confidence, ladies, and you might just score that which is E-Money.

About Savage Henry

Check Also

Inspector Confessions

Matt Redbeard, contributor   Hormel Chili Inspector 3 Hope you like rat beef.   Dreyer’s …