Savage Henry’s Sexiest Dead Guys

Chaz Logan Hyde, contributor

 

Being sexy isn’t easy. I don’t think anyone ever said it was, and if they did, they’re an asshole.  But it’s even harder to be sexy if you’re dead. Here’s a collection of some of our drop dead sexiest, that very well could still be strutting their stuff in the upside down.

 

Hunter S. Thompson

Before he wrote a book or took too much, Thompson was a timeshare consultant in Florida. He also sold cars when the opportunity for when he could steal one presented itself. Thompson loved lacey fabrics and tight revealing clothing, and would often use it as a means to gain commissions at his job.

Joseph Stalin

While being famously known for his skill with a Samurai sword, Stalin had another talent more personal to him… Gyrating. And he was good too. So good he left Winston Churchill speechless, which is a hard thing to do if you didn’t know. He also likes cornbread and midday window shopping at Kohls.

Charlie Chaplin

Before embracing that unsavory Hitler stash, Chaplin was quite the regal gentlemen. However, he was a complete lame-o in conversation, hardly ever laughing or seeming enthused about anything… I think he had a lot of debt and a horrible drug problem too… someone told me he had a big dick, though. 

 

Nikola Tesla

After stealing nearly every idea from Thomas Edison and failing to market them as his own, Tesla grew tired of chasing inventions. He then turned to starring in H.P. Lovecraft-themed pornos, as well as an occasional bank robbery, all of which made him rich as fuuuuuck in the process. Here’s to you, Tesla. 

Mark Twain

Mark Twain got his start writing for Sports Illustrated. Though his writing at the time was lackluster at best, his life was turned around after wandering onto a particularly saucy photoshooot. His poor sense of direction lead to your benefit as one of our favorite Sexiest Dead Guys.

Frederick Douglass

Though there’s not much proof through photo evidence, it’s been told through history that Douglass was by far one of our sexiest. Being seen doing anything from frequenting strip clubs as a performer, to doing fully nude art projects in city centers as far as San Jose to Ottawa, Canada. 

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