Sheeple Can’t Hear My Dog’s Voices

First of all they can not talk Dog good like we do. It’s not their fault they just aren’t woke like us. If you can’t comprehend how jet fuel not only doesn’t melt steel beams, but it also doesn’t even exist, then you honestly don’t deserve those sweet pebbles of pure canine depravity. It’s the same reason they can’t sneeze with their eyes open.

Second of all, the most perverted shit is usually followed by those wicked-ass dog farts. One time my dog Bruno was telling me how he liked to bury his beak in expired top ramen seasoning packets to help him edge and the fart he let out was so vicious that the cloud created swine flu. Honestly, people will run out of the room before they can hear what’s really up.


Thurdly and most importantly, people are fucking hella dumb AF. If you don’t laugh when you see a dog hump something, you’re a fucking lunatic and you’re dumb. Dogs don’t give AF. They all think you can hear them, ‘cause dogs are super dumb, and they’re just trying to jump on your lap and tell you how dope autocannibalism is. And you’re just like, “No, Brad Pittbull (ironically ‘cause it’s a damn duck dog) you’re going to get hair on my sweet vintage Miller’s Outpost cords.”

Just listen to what the dog has to say for once.

About Matt Redbeard

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