Sigmund Freud’s middle name and nickname through elementary school was Schlomo. It was a tradition on his fathers side and one his father absolutely insisted upon. The tauntings and bullying and one particular incident where “SCHLOMO IS A HOMO” was sharpied on his forehead led to young Sigmund’s deep hatred and murderous feelings for his father who really was a nice guy. His mother cut his hair into bangs to cover the insult and fed him a hamburger and his Oedipal Complex Theory began to form.
In Freud’s time masturbation was a no no. Yankin’ the ole crank was severely frowned upon and buffing the banana was seen as self abuse. Freud saw test firing the meat missile as “The one great habit” and claimed that all other vices; smoking, drinking, nail chewing, were just a substitution for fishing with your trouser trout. This has been proven wrong by many who both masturbate and smoke incessantly, often at the same time.*
Freud fathered modern psychoanalysis. When someone says “shrink” and you think “guy with clipboard, someone on couch” that was Freud who put that picture there. Before him the barber put a hole in your head and bled out the crazy and gave you a haircut to cover the hole.
*Smoking while masturbating occasionally leads to unpleasant burns around the upper thigh and peepee area. Do these things at separate times.