Six Beers Deep: Humboldt Brown Hemp Ale – Nectar Ales – ABV: 5.7%

My First Beer Ever (today): alright, the famous Humboldt Brown Hemp ale. Once upon a time this was actually brewed in Humboldt, but then the brand was bought and moved all the way to Paso Robles, which is only 480 miles south of Humboldt County. Regardless, the Firestone Walker Brewing company who now owns it decided to keep the name. At first sip it reveals nothing that any competent brown ale would have. The head dissipated really quickly, and i haven’t picked up on even the slightest bit of hemp, whatever that’s supposed to taste like.

2nd Opinion: Hey, wait a minute, this is bullshit. If you’re gonna name something after a place, shouldn’t it actually be made in the place that you’re naming it after? I mean, that’s like starting a hydroponic supply company with “Humboldt” in the title, but your office has a 530 number. Just call it a Hemp Ale and give it a catchy phrase like “Hemp ale: The Taste That Isn’t.” Seriously, can anyone taste the “hemp” in this stuff?

Ill Try Anything Thrice: Man this shit’s heavy. Liek pile of bricks in my gullet heavy. How much does hemp weigh? Hell, I’d even drink a Downtown Brown over another one of these. I mean, I like brown ales an all, they’re never realliy my favorite, but they defiinitely have that “I’m gonna drink a bottle of cardboard juice” smell aobut them. Who wants to drink cardboard?

Fourth and Long: Oh man, now I’m getting kinda hungry. Theis six pack ahsoul’ve come with a six pack or Rice Krispy treats. So like, when the buddha was all like under the Bodhi tree and he ate some hemp seeds to be all like, “a dude’s’ gotta eat,” I wonder if after eating hemp seeds he went all like “a dudde’s gotta eat more.”

My First Beer Ever (today): alright, the famous Humboldt Brown Hemp ale. Once upon a time this was actually brewed in Humboldt, but then the brand was bought and moved all the way to Paso Robles, which is only 480 miles south of Humboldt County. Regardless, the Firestone Walker Brewing company who now owns it decided to keep the name. At first sip it reveals nothing that any competent brown ale would have. The head dissipated really quickly, and i haven’t picked up on even the slightest bit of hemp, whatever that’s supposed to taste like.

I Was Fifth Chair Oboe: Hav eyou ever had that feeling that you atea nd drank so much ath a you were like “Whoa I f look pregnant, but I’md a dude, let’s watch arnold wswarzenegger movies?”
Yeah, i’m like that right now. It ain’t as fun as it sounds, but i’m sure theres a lesson to be learne dfrom all of this. hemp has no flaror, just just like the buddah.

Six and Stones Will Break My Bones(Liver): I hope no one drove rhere thinking they would tour the brewrey. that would make me reallly really sad. I’d buy tham a better beer than this to drink with me. Have you ever wereondered what it would be like to make a bee with other stuff that shouldn’t bee food? Like we should make nylon beer and serve with the hemp alle and call it The Rope Collection.” I’m a genious. I love you and my shoes hurt.

Do you have a beer that you’d like to see Josh review? Email joshduke@savagehenrymagazine.com.

About Josh Duke

Josh is an editor for Savage Henry Independent Times, He resides in Arcata, CA. When not performing stand up comedy or performing improv with Random Acts of comedy, you can follow him on Twitter @BonusMcHustle

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