Six Beers Deep – Swill Beer

Swill Beer

10 Barrel Brewing Co.

ABV: 4.5%

First: So yeah, I selected this beer solely that it had the brightest label on the shelf. Seriously, the thing is Caltrans Orange. It signaled to me among a sea of muted blues and forest greens, and as a result, I had to pick it up. I picked it up at night, and thought that as I walked home I was assured that oncoming traffic would see me from a reasonable distance and not run my ass over. After tasting this beer, I wish the neighbor that drives a Dodge Dart GT would have reached for his cellphone he dropped on his floorboard and swerved at the precise moment that would have ruined my day and prevented me from putting this beer anywhere near my lips. I honestly spent the first beer fantasizing about being hit by a car in an attempt to forget everything about it.

Second: I somehow imagine that everyone at 10 Barrel stood around and finally decided to make a beer that tastes like a lemon square, because apparently that’s what the beer world needed. Why would they expect anyone to finish this? If anything, it should be served in a 1 oz shot glass along with a dessert at a restaurant, and even then, the person eating said dessert would be all like, “That wasn’t necessary.”

Third: So I keep trying to find some redeemable quality about this beer, and it’s getting to the point where not only do I not like this beer, but I’m starting to think that the guys and/or gals that made this are in fact not good people. It’s as though they took a few gallons of Sprite and then blended some Tasty Kakes for good measure. It’s like a Lemon Shandy, but like if Walmart made one. Like if their idea of what a lemon flavored summer beer should be is something that appeals to the lowest common denominator that will buy this after they bought their whole family dinner at McDonald’s for the third time this week. Dear God I hate this beer.

Fourth: This is a first. I’m calling this early. I’m not even drunk on four of these, and to anyone that knows me, I’m not one to turn down a beer. Until now. This beer is an affront to people like me that like to drink six beers in one sitting and then write about it. How dare they make this. It’s as though they knew I’d write about it, but wish I had been hit by a car on my way home, and then designed it in such a way to make sure I’d have to suffer through this. For shame, 10 Barrel, for shame.

Josh is a professional drinker that knows when to quit, especially when the beer is awful. Please remember to only enjoy good beer responsibly. This article is sponsored by Blondie’s Food and Drink.

About Josh Duke

Josh is an editor for Savage Henry Independent Times, He resides in Arcata, CA. When not performing stand up comedy or performing improv with Random Acts of comedy, you can follow him on Twitter @BonusMcHustle

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