Six Edibles Deep

Edible 1 – The first one just kicked in. Fells like my center of gravity dropped out like in the middle of a dream I was having and that’s just the way it is. Why did I agree to this?


Edible 2 – Shouldn’t have gone to Safeway. I’m pretty sure I just ran into my son from the future trying to tell me that everyone knows I’m high. I’ve since calmed down upon my realization that everyone always knows I’m stoned.


Edible 3 – How come there’s no fucking weed cheese? It like almost rhymes and that sound so tight. Why can’t I eat my weed and be super fancy about it? Fucking ridicules.


Edible 4 – Just used a chopstick to open a piece of my mail. I’m honestly surprised I had a chop stick and even more so that I got a piece of mail. Did I mention I put my soul into my dog Bruno so he could walk out to the mailbox for me. Man this is gonna get fucking weird.


Edible 5 – It would be so easy. Get a cow. Feed it weed. Milk it. Make cheese. Done. JUST DO WHAT YOU’VE ALWAYS DONE AND PUT WEED IN IT! That was for the cheese companies. They’re fucking up on the real. I’m SO HIGH.


Edible 6 – The only things that work right now are my eyes and my thumbs. I’m not even truly convinced that they are thumbs anymore, pretty sure last time I checked they were both starting to grow eyes. Like two eyes per thumb. I’m super glad they didn’t each just get their own eye. That would be hella creepy and sounds like a lot of responsibility plus where am I going to find sunglasses that are thumb size? Why do they make these things so strong? So so strong. Like I know I didn’t need to eat six of them… but I did and I’m probably gonna do it again cause it’s fun. Like don’t get me wrong I’m terrified right now, the ghost of Paul Bunyan could roll up and eat a redwood tree like a chocolate éclair and it would make about as much sense as me driving to taco bell right now like I am. Well it more of an “Astral Projection” but you know. I’m going to pound about 20 of those burritos with the block of cheese melted in the middle of it.

About Matt Redbeard

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