Tag Archives: #53

A Novella About Dustin Hoffman

“Cut” said Steven Spielberg, and the scene was over. Dustin Hoffman, playing Captain James Hook, stood up and stretched. “Let’s call it a day, people,” said the assistant director, and with that, the crew started moving wires and breaking down rigging. Spielberg, as per usual, started high-fiving everyone around him to celebrate a job well done. “Oy,” said Bob Hoskins, …

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Can Some Technology Person Please Step Up and Help a Sandwich Artist?

(Originally Published on November 13, 1992) William Toblerone, contributor I have made the ultimate sacrifice for the betterment of my community. I have dedicated myself to ending the rash of unsightly sandwiches plaguing society by dedicating myself to fashioning quality culinary masterworks between the canvases of bread at the Subway gallery. Needless to say, this commitment is seriously encumbering and …

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Knockoff 90s Toys

Zeke Herrera, contributor Pet Animal – These furry creatures were pretty cool but still a Tamagotchi ripoff. They did have a wide variety but only came in analog, not digital, and were much harder to reset after they pooped themselves to death. Earth Boots – Clearly inferior copy of Moon Boots. These boots simulated what it was like to be …

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These Are the Jokes

Q: Why do ghosts wear sheets with holes in them? A: Because all ghosts are Hasidic Jews. 🙂 Q: Did you hear the one about the horse that dressed like a congressman? A: No. 🙂 Q: Why is that one powdered household cleaner called Ajax? A: Ajax, son of Telamon, bulwark of the Achaeans, he who fought mighty Hector to …

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90 Things Cooler in the 90s

Spencer Devine, contributor   1. Butts 21. Goop 41.The Ten Commandments 61. Board games 81. Digimon 2. Skateboards 22. Sludge 42.The Count 62. Game Nights 82. Pokemon 3. Skateboard tricks 23. Monsters 43.Learning 63. Nights in 83. Facebook pokes 4. Sports snacks 24. AAAH Real Monsters 44.The Learning Channel. 64. Rainy days 84. Faces 5. Capri Sun 25. Monster Energy …

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Interview With a 90’s Vampire

Dash Kwiatkowski, contributor “I see…” The Vampire said, his high-waisted jeans were baggy and well-torn, held up by a thick black belt. A thick leather jacket whirled as he faced the boy, “do you have enough tape for the story of a life?” “It’s actually a digital recorder, so no tape involved.” The Vampire met him with a blank look, …

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Shabazz Palaces – Lese Majesty

Samantha Gilweit, contributor One might want to listen to Seattle-based hip hop group, Shabazz Palaces’ newest album, Lese Majesty, on a road trip through a war zone. Forceful, original, and unabashedly unafraid of change, Lese Majesty is the group’s second full-length album after garnering critical acclaim with Black Up, released in 2011. The result is an album that elegantly creates …

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Foxxxy Cougars – Go Funk Yourself

On their first record in six years, the trio of elderly women comprising  the Foxxxy Cougars continue to embarrass themselves. On their 1991 debut Young Meat, their shtick was cute; sexy women in their 50s singing about young men they desired and their numerous sexual conquests. But after 25 years and 13 albums the novelty has worn off. The only …

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Mumford & Sons 2 – Demo

Leah Brzezinski, contributor This electro-progressive duo sound nothing like the original Mumford & Sons, in case you were worried, but the name is hilariously memorable. They sound more like the love child of Radiohead’s Thom Yorke and The Cranberries’ Dolores O’Riordan, had they been kidnapped by Humboldt hippies sometime in the early 1990s. Experimental guitar and electronic percussion and synth …

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