Tag Archives: #55

Thurston Moore – The Best Day

After  more than 30 years in the music industry, Thurston Moore continues to create captivating, relevant material. His intricate knowledge and approach to sound is evident throughout The Best Day. Moore is saying something with this album. It’s the most “Sonic Youth-sounding” recording he’s completed since the band went on hiatus in 2011. The first track, “Speak to the Wild,” …

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Weezer – Everything Will Be Alright in the End

Leah Brzezinski, contributor Thirteen-year-old me loved Weezer SO MUCH. 23-year-old me still loved them, got the album autographed at Tower Records, adopted “El Scorcho” as her college anthem. But 33-year-old me was pretty much over it. Everything since the “Green Album” was over-produced and disappointing, and once “Beverly Hills” hit the airwaves, I was done. I figured if Weezer started …

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The First Timer’s Guide to Wine Tasting

So, your slightly fancier-than-you friends have invited you to a wine tasting. “Sounds nice,” you reply, before breaking into a cold sweat upon realizing that the only experience you’ve ever had with wine involved a jug of Carlo Rossi and a lot of crying to Dashboard Confessional. You want to be the kind of person who understands and appreciates wine …

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White Lady Hour

I fit the criteria for Wine Drinker: I’m a white lady. I’m not going to lie, I drink a shit-ton of Bota Box wine with Refreshe seltzer water. It is “my jam,” as the kids are saying these days. I can hardly make out their little squeaky voices because I am profoundly White Lady drunk. White ladies who are drunk …

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Other Uses for the Boxed Wine Bags

When you’re all done draining every delicious drop of merlot from your Peter Vella or Franzia box, don’t fret; your fun with the box is not over. Rip open the box like a 8-year-old on Christmas day and behold the wonderment of what’s inside: a clear plastic bag or a silvery mylar bag will appear all crumpled and useless, but …

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And if You Don’t Know, Now Pruno

Sam Greenspan, contributor Velvety. Smooth. Relaxing. Romantic — they’re not just words to describe prison anymore. So why are our nation’s incarcerated enjoying all of the warm aromatics and carcinogens afternotes of Pruno (or toilet prison wine) for themselves? Well, my fellow freedom-guzzling plutocrats, those days are a thing of the past. Learning from the mistakes of my grandfather — …

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The Grapes of Revenge

Zeke Herrera, contributor Two scientist gather around a grape in a lab. The older scientist grabs a syringe and injects the grape. Young Scientist Nothing’s happening. Old Scientist Give it time. Young Scientist We’re never going to grow grapes that crush themselves. Old Scientist Why are you talking like that? I know what we’re trying to do, so who’s that …

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Other Things That Get Better With Age

Milk – You know what I mean? Like cottage cheese. Grandma’s House – Granny’s been gone for a long time, but that ribbon candy in the bowl’s still kicking. Canada – It’s pretty worthless, guys; just hoping for the best. Assorted Meats – Salami, mainly. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure – Be Excellent to each other. Dubstep – (See Canada) …

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Lost Bukowski Poems

One of the most famous winos of all time, poet and writer Charles Bukowski, wasn’t shy about his drinking, gambling or skirt chasing. Many a poem and short story discuss his adventures while drunk, most of the time on wine. We found in our archives an old Peter Vella box containing Bukowski’s lost poems; the ones he wrote shortly before …

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The Death of Herpacles, by Aeschylus

In addition to being a writer for Savage Henry, a nocturnal eater of small birds, and a card-carrying 9/11 Truther (the card is for the Papa Murphy’s Rewards program), yours truly smugly fancies himself an amateur archaeologist! As such, last May yours truly found himself in Iraq, unearthing a long-forgotten temple of sorts thanks to a several-million-dollar grant from the …

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