Tag Archives: Andre Parker

The Best Ways to Die in 2008

Andre Parker, contributor * From the “Guess Who’s Coming to the White House” Issue, November, 2008 DEATH. Everyone views death differently. Most people fear it. Rich people are constantly trying to find the cure for it, and it’s also a type of metal used to make guitars! All you have to do is BELIEVE! (Context? What’s that?) Some cultures even …

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The Glorious Art of Writing

Andre Parker, contributor Hello there! Hi. Welcome to my words bored reader! I am Andre Parker. World class writer of elegant things and wordsmith extraordinaire! I’ve won awards for my writing that are of such high value and prestige that your weak and poverty-soaked eyes could only dream of viewing such a glowing mark of achievement! But have heart my …

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The Best Non-Human Drinking Buddies

Andre Parker, contributor I like to drink. It’s that simple. You know what I don’t like? Of course you don’t, FOOL. You don’t know me. You don’t know where I’ve BEEN and what I DO. I’ll tell you what I don’t like. Drinking with other PEOPLE. People suck to drink with. Always putting “limits” on things like when and where …

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5 Must Have Servants For Your New Found Wealth

Andre Parker, contributor So, you’ve found yourself to be in possession of an unlimited amount of fortune and wealth. All your hard work has finally paid off! But you and I both know that’s not how money REALLY works. Nobody “works hard” to get ahead. A smart person sneaks into the competition’s bedroom at night and uses a machete, leather …

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Ten Reasons I Dont’ Swim in the Ocean

Andre Parker, contributor   10) My Dad: I’ll never forget that cool summer evening. I was standing at the edge of a pier in a crisp new pair of baby blue swim trunks. The brisk breeze sliding across the water and gently kissing my preteen hairs as they grew silently from my legs. I’ll never forget the sweet smell of malt …

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Some Helpful Tips From My Father on How to Raise Your Clone

Andre Parker, cotnributor Few people know this about me but I’m actually a clone. A clone of a clone to be exact. I am but one thread of many that create a genetic tapestry that was passed on from my father from his father and from his father before him. And much like my father taught me, I must teach …

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Top Ten Extremely Awesome Things I Saw in the Future

Andre Parker, contributor Recently, while under the influence of some particularly friendly mushrooms, I found myself tripping over a tear in the fabric of space and time. Well, to be more precise, I fell 20 years into the future! I saw many strange and awesome things and unusual advances in technology, science and society as a whole. I also had sex …

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