Tag Archives: chris durant

The Louis C.K. Action Figure!

Cornell Reid and Chris Durant, contributors                   With Cum-Fu Grip!   Shows up at your house whether you ordered it or not!   Fits most doorways.   One pack of “Rope Shooter Goo” refill bottle included.   You don’t even play with the action figure, you just watch it play with itself. …

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Star Wars Action Figures We’d Like to See

You can find some obscure Star Wars action figures out there, some of characters that don’t even have screen time and are only referenced in a comic book. Well, if they’re gonna do action figures, they should make figures for these unsung heroes of the Star Wars universe.                 Princess Leia’s Hairdresser There’s …

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A new line of flavors from Jelly Belly

If you haven’t had the experience of eating a jelly bean that tastes like vomit, or rotten eggs or pencil shavings then you haven’t lived. The Fairfield-based Jelly Belly company is on the cutting edge of odd flavors. When we told them we were doing a “Sex” issue they rolled out a new line of flavors celebrating the adult film …

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Crazy Bread: A Descent Into Madness

(excerpts from a diary written by an unknown loaf of bread)   Day 1: Oh boy! Dough no more. Look at me, a fresh loaf just straight chillin’ on the shelf.   Day 3: A lot of the loads I cooled with are gone. Don’t know where they went, but it’s cool.   Day 6: They moved me today, to …

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Paul Danke – Dank

To say this is not a music review is a disservice because Paul Danke’s jokes are music to my ears. Danke released his semi self-titled debut comedy record Dank on A Special Thing records this month and his freewheelin’, off the cuff style makes it feel like you’re hanging out with a friend on a road trip. No, not that …

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Other Uses for the Boxed Wine Bags

When you’re all done draining every delicious drop of merlot from your Peter Vella or Franzia box, don’t fret; your fun with the box is not over. Rip open the box like a 8-year-old on Christmas day and behold the wonderment of what’s inside: a clear plastic bag or a silvery mylar bag will appear all crumpled and useless, but …

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Lost Bukowski Poems

One of the most famous winos of all time, poet and writer Charles Bukowski, wasn’t shy about his drinking, gambling or skirt chasing. Many a poem and short story discuss his adventures while drunk, most of the time on wine. We found in our archives an old Peter Vella box containing Bukowski’s lost poems; the ones he wrote shortly before …

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Top 10 Ways Trimmers will spend their money

Trimmers make money — not as much as they used to, and they don’t always get paid on time — but they still make money. Below are the results of a 4-year study into the Northern California and Oregon economies as they relate to trimmers. It sheds light on exactly what the trimmers are spending their money on. 10 – …

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Animals That Would Make Good/Bad Trimmers

The title says it all, so let’s skip the dumb intro and get right to the dumb story: Good Trimmers Tyrannosaurus Rexes Short arms allow for maximum efficiency, though he would take up a lot of room in the cabin. Beavers Have you seen what they can do to whole trees? Kangaroos Again, shorter nimble arms, but they’d probably let …

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Michael Jordan’s sure bets of the 90s

Hi, I’m world famous basketball player Michael Jordan. I make a lot of money, so much money I don’t know what to do with it all. So I picked up a pretty nasty gambling habit that may or may not have lead to my first, early and abrupt retirement. I’d like to share some sure bets to help your wallets …

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