Tag Archives: danny felts

An Ode To My Bicycle

Danny Felts, contributor You’ve opened my eyes to so many things. A tertiary excuse for fitness, the rolling barrage of passive aggression that is the NW driver. Why are you stopped at this 4-way intersection? It’s your turn. Just go. How hard is that? Go. Go. Please. Alright, I’ll go if you’re not going to — Okay, now you’re going …

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Death Of A Plumber

Danny Felts, contributor  TO: RANDOM HOUSE PUBLISHING RE: “Death Of A Plumber” rewrites   To Whom It May Concern:   After considering the notes sent in from your editors I’ve gone ahead and “cloaked the character in darkness” per your edit requests. Personally, I don’t see the point, considering how it bucks the genre so ridiculously, but I understand society’s …

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Technically PG

Danny Felts, contributor Dear Readers, As a combination film major/person born in 1988, I thought it would be best to use the PG issue to examine one of the biggest issues of my generation: Why/How Don Bluth is one of the creepiest motherfuckers to shape my childhood. Hands down this guy is one of the creepiest, most unsettling, technically PG …

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Antiquated Stereotypes I Will Never Tire of

Danny Felts, contributor A Georgian lawyer sounding like his mouth is dripping with honey. Film never being fed at the correct speed, causing everyone look like they were running around on crack. These were some of the simple pleasures of The Greatest Generation. Sadly, most of these ridiculous stereotypes have disappeared with the advent of refined technology, and people who …

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A Non-Smoker’s Approach To Humboldt

Danny Felts, contributor Hello, Humboldt/Other California-y Places,  It’s my understanding that you guys have a lot going on right now. Well, let me restate that, actually. You have aLL of IT going on now. and that’s because it’s fall, and your reputation precedes you, and, well–dammit. I’m just going to say it. You’re surrounded by marijuana. all of the marijuana, in fact. So much so that from multiple …

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Helpful Money Saving Tips

Danny Felts, contributor    People are always going on about the federal poverty line, and how America, despite being one of the most productive countries in the world, has a rampantly growing impoverished class. People working two to three jobs, families living off a McDonalds salary. Quite frankly, it’s an unpleasant truth we face everyday, and many times outwardly ignore …

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My Dad Did Some Pretty Cool Shit

Anonymous (cuz I call my grandma a shitbag), contributor  As a child of the west coast, passive aggression courses through my body like a scourge of white blood cells, and I fucking hate it. There’s only so many times you can hear somebody say the phrase, “Umm…yeah…I was thinking… maybe you could put your towel in your room because its …

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Great Scientists In History Or, Other Reasons These Guys Were Awesome

Danny Felts, contributor William Sanford Nye, or, “Bill Nye The Science Guy”: In the spirit of impartiality I must confess that this section is going to be the one thing that any good scientific inquiry shouldn’t be: biased. Trust me, it’s not because it’s my goal to be impartial. Nobody wants that. It’s the same quality that allows drunk bros …

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Class Acts: How To Not Look Like A Schmuck in 2013

Danny Felts, contributor Before I say anything, this needs to be thrown out there: I, Danny Felts, am a mostly un-fancy person. My own “style,” if that’s what we’re going to call it, is utilitarian at best, and curiously negligent at worst. How long have I been wearing these pants you may be asking? A month. I’ve been wearing these …

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