Tag Archives: love

How to Decorate Your New Place After the Divorce

Love isn’t real. But your new sadness hut is! Here’s how to take whatever items you legally have left after the divorce and make your new house, or rather, rented room, a home. Put Your Bed on the Floor – This is less a design choice and more a necessity. She kept the frame, you got the mattress. A large …

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How to Show Him on Your First Date that You are a Strong Successful Stay-at-Home Ex-Wife and You are Not the Type Who Will Not Put up With Just any Engagement Ring

Tiffany Greysen, contributor It’s 2016 and the “Blood Diamond” weeping-heart crusade is finally fucking over. The time is here when we can finally call a spade a spade and a Diamondoid a Diamondoid. You are a strong, smart, brave feminist and you have learned to set boundaries. You no longer need your first ex-husband’s money; your parents (mostly) don’t support …

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Meat, My Only True Friend – A Love Letter

Adam Jacobs, contributor I’m no scientist, but if the old rumor that John Wayne died with over 40 pounds of undigested meat impacted in his bowels was true then that must mean meat was his best friend, ‘cause it never left his side. Wow, man, that’s some deep shit, literally. That meat poo was John Wayne’s only true friend and …

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She’s Just That Into Me

William Toblerone, contributor I met her at a flea market. We were both checking out these tapestries with tigers and Richard Petty and some other awesome shit printed on them. She was gorgeous. Big ol’ boobs. Really made me think about doing it. She was with this big muscled-up foreign-talking guy.  I could tell he was rich, too, because he …

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Morning Food Translations

Ivan Mueting, contributor When it comes to romance, it can be hard to pick up on how your partner feels, and what they’re really like. Next time you spend the night at your lover’s place, look at what they give you for breakfast. The gesture involves some effort and thought, and their choices can give you the valuable insight to …

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A Brief History of Love With Dr. Stephen Hawking

Rob Seltzner, contributor Dear Dr. Hawking, I am a great admirer. I have read all your books and regard you as the smartest person of our generation. I am hoping your intellect can extend to a problem I am currently having with my husband. We have been married for 10 years and I just feel like he doesn’t listen to …

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