Tag Archives: movies

This SHITs for Reels – The Mall Edition

Michel Sargent, Movieish Title The sequel to Clerks (1994) is a bottom of the barrel dick/butt/boob joke-filled buddy movie about a bunch of Mallrats (1995) “with no shopping agenda” causing havoc while disrupting a game show taking place near the food court. It’s romantic too. Atmospheric music and violent post-prison ex-boyfriend’s shopping cart P.O.V. shots instill dread as a supermarket …

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This SHITs for Reels – Passive Aggressive Edition

Michel Sargent, staff Gaslight (1944) coined the term for the psychotic jewel thief husband manipulating his wife to believe she’s sick and insane trope. A doctor tries to put her patient’s multiple personality pieces back together, revealing the psychological torture committed against Sybil (1976) in her extreme Christian upbringing of guilt trips, physical violence, and enemas with singing. Based on …

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This SHITS for Reels – Money Edition

Mike Sargent, staff Jimmy Durante’s dying words after flying off a cliff sets forth teams of today’s leading comic actors and comedians in a hilarious race to find a wealth of cash buried in a park and It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963). Airplane! (1980) stole a lot of visual gags from this film! This romantic fast-talking witty …

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The Werewolf of Wall Street (Excerpt)

I’m writing a new book that’s gonna blow Martin Scorsese’s dumbass movie out of the water. Here is a taste just to get you idiots pre-ordering my book and reviewing it on Amazon Prime and all the other important websites. Please enjoy! “Grrrrrrr,” growled the Wolfman named Gary. He was very angry because he couldn’t find the dang street he …

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This SHITs for Reels – Beach Edition

Mike Sargent, staff “The annual migration of the idiot” is Welcome to Spring Break (1989) and the accompanying beachsploitation horror, Biker on spring breaker violence, corrupt city officials, T & A sexism, an annoying priest, and unholy death explosion by electrocution motorcycle. Not cool. An island bound ship with Little Richard harbors cheating art burglars with a stolen painting and …

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This SHIT’s for Reels – Safety Edition

Mike Sargent, Staff Halloween Safety (1977) shows how unsafe and crappy a little girl’s witch costume is, and how she’ll probably die unless she turns into a princess with safety reflectors. The nice synth soundtrack gets you through the accompanying strangers-will-poison/razor-blade-you propaganda. A cheap-looking crone who “never wanted to be a dirty old witch” cackles and schemes to “reverse everything” …

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This SHIT’s for Reels – Dream Edition

Mike Sargent, staff If you research “Sleep. Those little slices of death. How I loathe them. – Edgar Allan Poe” the earliest actual source for that quote is Nightmare On Elm St. 3: Dream Warriors (1987), and for the record, Poe probably never actually said that. Newly back from the dead again, Freddy is suicide-inducing teens with bad jokes, claymation, …

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This SHITs for Reels – Plan B Edition

Michel Sargent, contributor When you can’t regular-birth babies, try Test Tube Babies (1948), where they ask the big questions like, “Why can’t things be like always?” After a written introduction that lays out the entire movie, it unfolds in terrible soap opera-like melodrama. To keep you watching, there’s half-naked dance numbers and topless girl-on-girl battles thrown in. A harassed teen …

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This SHITs for Reels – Star Wars Edition

Michel Sargent, staff The Untitled Star Wars Mockumentary (2003) begins as a fake tribute to director Damon Packard by Tony Curtis followed by Packard cutting himself, friends, old trailers, pornography and other film clips into an actual Star Wars documentary of the weeks leading to the release of Attack of the Clones (2002). Fucking hilarious! The reason George Lucas© made …

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This SHITs for Reels – Meat Edition

Michel Sargent, Staff Opening shot: A knife slices a huge slab of meat to the sound of an institutionalized man screaming about The Mad Butcher (1971) (aka Meat is Meat). Story: Just de-booby-hatched smug self-proclaimed “best butcher” in town finds great way to dispose of human bodies, makes a killing with his new sausage cart. A sexless couple are running …

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