Tag Archives: Sarah Godlin

Dinosorta

Some things are almost dinosaurs. They are Dinosaurish. Dinosauresque. Here is a stupid list of these things since, from internet data, we know you people like lists. Chickens Did you know that there is a sack full of rocks inside of every chicken? That is the only thing I learned in high school Ag class. Old Smokers Every cigarette you …

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Destruction Therapy

In a way that I hide now, I really, really like when things go boom. Smashy loud fireballs still get me all excited and hand clappy like a 2-year-old. Super American style. Once a friend’s treadmill fell out of the back of his truck on the freeway and I actually shed a tear because I didn’t see it. Man, that …

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History of the Norwegian Black Metal Scene

Scandinavia, in full, was planned as an acre of Disneyland adjacent to Frontierland but due to a misread blueprint it was placed much further North where Walt Disney failed to retain power over its goings-on. Luckily, most of the employees remained cute and rosy-cheeked, painting birds on things and braiding their hair in that adorable way after getting out of …

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White Lady Hour

I fit the criteria for Wine Drinker: I’m a white lady. I’m not going to lie, I drink a shit-ton of Bota Box wine with Refreshe seltzer water. It is “my jam,” as the kids are saying these days. I can hardly make out their little squeaky voices because I am profoundly White Lady drunk. White ladies who are drunk …

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WHICH TRIM SCISSORS TO THEY PREFER?

Draw a line from the trimmer to the clippers they use to manicure the weed. Answers below Chickamasa Fiskars Dakota Fanning Ian Ziering Quato Wallace Shawn Gayle Chairry Sadamir Putin Old Gregg Matt Damon

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Restaurant Review:TAQUERIA LA BARCA

5201 Carlson Park Dr., Suite #4 Arcata, CA The Norther you go (Fine. More North. Happy?) the crappier Mexican food gets. You know what passes for Mexican Food in Canada? Half of a hamburger patty in a flour tortilla with ketchup. Did you know ketchup tastes different in Canada? It does. But let’s stay on topic. California is tall. It …

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What You REALLY Do With a Drunken Sailor

If you meet a sailor and you are not on a boat, chances are that he is drunk. What? How do I know he is a he? Because lady sailors are called “sailorettes” and everyone knows that. Please stop interrupting. Do not attempt to shave his belly with a rusty razor. This is so beyond dumb and very freaking dangerous …

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Top 10 ways to Choose to Die

10) Shark 9) Smothered by sub sandwich 8) Smothered by twin Swedish makers of sub sandwich 7) Monster Truck Accident 6) Any blaze of glory larger than 4 yards in diameter\ 5) Space Madness 4) WWF chokehold gone wrong 3) Saving people from a burning building 2) Saving kittens from a burning building 1) Getting drunk with your bear buddy …

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The History of Savage Henry Magazine

Founded as a anti-slavery pamphlet in 1834, Savage Henry Magazine has been through the evolutionary wringer to come out in its current form and, incidentally, with an immunity to syphilis. The pamphlet’s Co-publisher, Rosa B. Savage, a bespectacled abolitionist and butter enthusiast, penned the first story, “Our Colored Sisters and Brothers Deserve Freedom Under God.” Her partner and editor, Thomas …

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Awesome Shit Thrown in the Lame Drawer Undeservedly

Popular opinion is a powerful thing. It might rank right behind ice, gravity, and money on the big power list in the sky. It gets shit done most of the time but it can go SO wrong… sowrong… sarang… Like men wearing sarongs. Popular opinion said this was ok for a while in the 90s. See what I mean? (This …

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