Tag Archives: Shoechucker

A Brief History of the Future

Professor shoeChucker, contributor  The future doesn’t have to be a scary place. If you know what’s going to happen, the future can be your best friend ever. The shoeChucker Foundation For Humanity believes in your right to that foreknowledge. So we have neatly divided your future into three convenient stages: the immediate, the near, and the distant. This simplifies the …

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The ShoeChucker: A User’s Guide To Modern Artists

Choada Salinas, staff   Everyone is an artist now. From Etsy-istas to half-assed crappy street stencils, we’ve been inundated with mountains of meaningless bullshit “creativity.” The reason is simple: People have been coddled and babied, and everything they have ever scratched out was hung on the refrigerator before it was posted on YouTube, and now they not only expect 15 …

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Dr. Shoechucker: Wabbit Manifesto

Dr. Shoechucker, staff   Wabbit Manifesto: An Open Letter To The Elmer Fudds Look Doc, I demand the inalienable right to be left the fuck alone. All of your intrusions into my body and space mean war. Every sheisting capitalist flyer that you hang on my door, every genetically modified carrot, every double barreled shotgun blast in my direction is …

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The Shoechucker: My Freedom Can Beat Up Your Freedom

Choada Salinas, contributor Our founding fathers invented freedom. America’s freedom is so awesome that everyone must sublimate to it, prostrate before it, and bear witness to the shock and awe that it demands. That’s why Chuck Norris is an American. His beard is a literal manifestation of American superiority. Behind every one of our freedoms is another freedom and we’re …

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The Shoechucker We are all Oscar Grant

Choada Salinas, staff Let’s start here, just in case you don’t know what happened. Frankly, if that’s really true, then you are either a complete moron or you live under a rock or, considering this is Humboldt, both of those things multiplied by being too stoned to think. Two hours into 2009, Oscar Grant was in a fight at the …

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