Tag Archives: Space issue

Wanna Feel Old?

A Listicle of Child Prodigies You millennials think that Honey Boo Boo is a precocious child wonder? Millennial please – you wouldn’t know a child prodigy if you married one! (ed. note – do not marry any child whatsoever.) Here’s some of the REAL DEAL prodigy children from history. What you will find here… well, it might surprise and even …

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Trump Changes the Names of the Planets

Dear NASA, Hey nerds…what’s up? Guess who won? Me, that’s right. It’s good. It’s great. Since I’m now Emper…I mean President, I’m gonna save NASA money by renaming all the planets in the only solar system that exists. So take notes you dweebs, if there’s one thing you dorks can do is take notes, believe me. First, the Milky Way …

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Inside the Earth to Outer Space

M. Bunny, contributor To keep up with the time warp we’re experiencing as a result of parallel universes colliding due to the Mandela Effect, let’s reflect on the Top 10 List from The Trippin’ Issue, and the #1 item folks are tripping on.  WORMHOLES! Wormholes are everywhere around you! Unlike a rabbit hole, which takes its inhabitant deep into the …

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The Truth Behind the USS Enterprise

Clarence Worley, contributor “Space, the final frontier.” True words spoken by a true badass. Oh yeah! His name??? Fucking Captain James T. Kirk — and for three solid years, from 1966-1969, this captain adventured all over the universes, shooting up shit, and discovering all kinds of cool scientific space things, all in hopes of progressing life for the good of …

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Letter of Warning from the King in Outer Space

M.Bunny, contributor Here is a letter I found while walking near the Grove of Titans with my dog two weeks ago. Can anyone tell me what this says? I had an expert read this, and she informed me that this letter is surely from a King or Ruler, from Outer Space, and is without a doubt a warning letter for …

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Are Astronauts Nerds?

Are astronauts nerds? I mean, duh, yeah, for the most part they are, but did any of them actually do anything cool?   John Glenn Once he broke through Earth’s orbit he was quoted as saying, “Oh, hella tight, dude! Shit’s fucking so dope. It’s just like when I pull the blankets up over my head to bust a nut.” …

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The (True) Story of How I Won the 1997 NBA Slam Dunk Contest

Rocco Tenaglia, contributor In 1997 I had the misfortune of taking part in the abysmal 1997 NBA slam dunk contest. It was Darvin Ham, Mike Finley, Chris Carr, Ray Allen, Bob Sura, Kobe Bryant, and myself. Those other jokers didn’t even stand a chance. I remember the day vividly. I had forgotten my Jordans in the car, so I had …

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Celebrities Who Died in Ways You Don’t Remember

Quick, off the top of your head: how did John F. Kennedy die? If you answered, “In the Challenger explosion,” you’re in good company, as over  90% of people surveyed answer the same way. However, you’re all wrong — President JFK actually got no-scope headshotted in the back of his car in the 1960s. The funny thing about memory is …

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My Cousin’s Disgusting, Obnoxious, Ball-Shriveling Wife

William Toblerone, contributor It was November 2023 when I happened to be in St. Louis attending the Skechers conference.  That’s when I got the call. My cousin Daniel was on the phone. Funny thing about Daniel, for three days his legal name was “I know y’all got some liquor in here so fuck you for holding out,” because his mom …

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Space Tourism Is Gonna Suck

Adam Jacobs, contributor Space is just like Earth: rich people always go first and no one can hear you scream, ’cause let’s face it, nobody gives a shit. With companies like SpaceX and Orbital Sciences building prototypes for passenger spaceships, commercial space tourism is around the corner. These companies want to make space travel affordable to the mega rich, so …

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