Tag Archives: Zeke Herrera

New Names for Stuff

Zeke Herrera, staff   I don’t know about you guys but I’m sick of all these goddamn words. How am I supposed to remember all of them? I’ve decided that I never will. So here’s some stuff I renamed to help me out. Feel free to let me know which ones you like and we’ll get a petition started to …

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Television: The Only Family You Really Need

Zeke Herrera, staff   I was an only child for seven years of my life. When my brother died my parents waited that long before having another child… jk, I’m just the oldest but my parents weren’t around a lot. So for seven years it was just me and TV. Despite the fact that I’m doing comedy for a living …

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My Interview with Death

Zeke Herrera, staff I was sitting at home, trying to finish my Buffalo Wing/Gilmore Girls marathon. Then Death showed up at my door. Death: Hey, I’m Death. I’m here to take you to the afterlife. Me: Are you sure you have the right house? Death: Yep, you’re Zeke, right? Me: No, Zeke went to the store for, like, Batman stuff …

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The Grapes of Revenge

Zeke Herrera, contributor Two scientist gather around a grape in a lab. The older scientist grabs a syringe and injects the grape. Young Scientist Nothing’s happening. Old Scientist Give it time. Young Scientist We’re never going to grow grapes that crush themselves. Old Scientist Why are you talking like that? I know what we’re trying to do, so who’s that …

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Bop It! Gone Bad

Zeke Herrera, contributor This weekend my Bop It! was struck by lightning and went haywire. Lucky for you guys a court stenographer was readily available. Here’s what transpired: BI: Bop It! *Lightning Strike* BI: I said bop, not lightning! ZH: Did you just become sentient? BI: Yeah, I think so. ZH: The fact that you can think so kind of …

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Knockoff 90s Toys

Zeke Herrera, contributor Pet Animal – These furry creatures were pretty cool but still a Tamagotchi ripoff. They did have a wide variety but only came in analog, not digital, and were much harder to reset after they pooped themselves to death. Earth Boots – Clearly inferior copy of Moon Boots. These boots simulated what it was like to be …

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Only 90s Kids Will Remember

Zeke Herrera, contributor Quick Disclaimer: I was not born in the 90s, but I was assured by a certified 90s kid that this list consists of things that only they and no one else will remember. Childhood Trauma The 5th of November Parents Quoting Bill Cosby Going to School Benghazi Who the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is Crystal Pepsi Butts …

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Get The Mark from Hulu

Zeke Herrera, staff I recently discovered Get The Max From Netflix, the animated algorithm that helps you choose movies when you’re undecided. Max and I became friends. We did what any friends would do, he pitched ideas of things to do and I shot them down. Soon we grew tired of each other, all the things we liked about each …

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The Mystery of the Family Jewels

Chris Durant and Zeke Herrera, Staff The door swings open and grandma is standing right there. She’s angry, no doubt, but you can’t figure out why… You were just polishing the family jewels. “Stop! You’re not using any polish? You’re dry-rubbing it? That’s going to damage the family jewels!” You immediately stop, feeling embarrassed. No one ever told you how …

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Interview With Robot George Washington Carver

Zeke Herrera, contributor This weekend I was received a transmission from Robot George Washington Carver. I quickly stopped trying to mouth-catch bellybutton Oreos after several minutes and picked up a notepad. Here’s our conversation: RGWC: Take me to your leader. Me: I don’t really have a leader. Do you really think there’s somebody ordering me to catch cookies in my …

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