I Cannot Tell a Lie #1: The Truth Behind The Garfield/McKinley Coinkydinks

We all know about the Lincoln/Kennedy conspiracy but what you may not know, is the only other two presidents who were assassinated also have similarities, even more eerie.

For those who don’t know about Lincoln and Kennedy, here are some examples of the weird “coincidences”:

  • Lincoln’s secretary’s last name was Kennedy, Kennedy’s secretary had a last name was Lincoln.
  • They were both shot in the back of the head.
  • One’s assassin shot him from a “barn” aka warehouse and hid in a theater, the other’s shot him in a theater and hid in a barn.

Wow, that sure is weird shit, am I right?

But no one ever talks about the coincidences between the other two assassinated presidents… James A. Garfield and William McKinley. I cannot tell a lie, what I’m about to tell you certain people do not want you to know.

  • Garfield had a beard, McKinley didn’t… Fuckin’ weird man.
  • McKinley was 5’10, Garfield was 10’5… Holy shit, stop it!
  • Garfield hated lasagna, for reals, McKinley loved lasagna, Stouffer’s vegetarian only though… Smoke that Safeway.
  • McKinley was on the second season of dancing with the stars, Garfield briefly studied at Second City… I shit you not.
  • Garfield liked sativa, McKinley liked indica… 4:20 brah!
  • McKinley loved Carrie, Garfield was more of a Miranda guy… Samantha’s a hoe.
  • Garfield is a cat, McKinley is a statue on the Plaza… Fucking A RIGHT!
  • McKinley danced like he had ants in his pants, Garfield cut rugs… Party on
  • Garfield would have killed someone for a klondike bar, McKinley had sensitive teeth… BURRRRR.
  • McKinley ate to his blood type, Garfield didn’t have blood… Red Party!!!!
  • Garfield believed that all people were created equal, McKinley believed that all equals were created people… Yippie kay yay!
  • McKinley ate LSD and made a fancy hat, Garfield ate LSD and got assassinated… Just say no.
  • Garfield actually lived in a field. McKinley actually lived in an Inley… Where the heart is.
  • McKinley got shot, So did Garfield… Cray Cray.
  • Garfield watched Monday Night Nitro, McKinley loved Monday Night Raw… WHAT?
  • McKinley is on the $500 bill, Garfield only ever had 5 on it… Penny Pinching.
  • Garfield was shot by a lawyer, McKinley was lawyer… All Presidents were lawyers.
  • McKinley watched Blackfish and cried, Garfield liked to go Blackface… Silly Ferndale.
  • Garfield was a Bengals fan, McKinley liked the Browns… They both hated Price is Right.
  • McKinley has a town named after him, Garfield is in every paper, every sunday, everywhere… I hate Mondays.


About Matt Redbeard

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