The New Jar Jar

In the re-edit of Star Wars Episode 1 Disney decided to completely redo Jar Jar Binks to make him less offensive to black people and more offensive to white people. Jar Jar has been redone to resemble a stereotypical white man and these are just some of the new character traits you can expect from Jar Jar in the new re-edit of Episode 1.

He’s always trying to do other characters taxes.

He eats space vegan.

He irons a crease down the middle of his robe.

He never responds when asked a question cuz he’s always listening to public radio on his headphones.

He brags about how he doesn’t own a TV.

He shops at Wal-Mart at night hoping none of his friends see him.

He hates the Cantina Bar cuz they don’t carry his favorite IPA.

He won’t stop talking about U2 and Dave Matthews Band.

He claims to be good friends with Yoda so it’s ok that he says all that offensive stuff about him.

He misses important meetings/battles cuz he snuck off to Endor to go snowshoeing.

He keeps trying to get everyone to eat his homemade bread.

He’s obsessed with Asian girls.

He complains about all the Starbucks everywhere while drinking a Frappucino

He says “Awkward!” and “Bazinga!” constantly throughout the film.

He’s scared of Ouija boards.

He blames Marilyn Manson’s music for the dark side.

He always fucks up handshakes with Mace Windu.

He can’t jump.

About Cornell Reid

Cornell is a super funny dude who consistently cracks everyone he comes into contact with up. He kinda has the midas touch but for laughs not gold, which is way way less valuable. Cornell grew up in Arcata and everyone said he was "hella tight." Now he lives in LA where he is a very popular stand-up comedian. All of his audiences refer to him as "hella tight." The president recently held a press conference where he said "the country may be going to shit but at least Cornell is hella tight."

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