The Tiniest Wild Animal

This unicellular little beast pees beer and makes donuts deliciously fluffy. You know him, you love him — I’m talking about yeast.

The title is a lie because the yeast microbe was the first domesticated animal. That’s a cool little fact that will get you laid, but by a 5. 10’s need cooler facts to make their panties fall off.

Some yeasts eat hydrocarbons. Others absorb heavy metals. This is a seriously cool thing for blah blah doctor talk.

You need yeast to make bread that isn’t a giant gross soft cracker (text me mean stuff later, gluten-free friends). It looks like you need it to make Kombucha too, but I’m still not on the kombucha bandwagon. I can get behind some Kefir, though. That stuff is just a delicious yogurt shake. You need yeast to make that too.

You need yeast to make red ink. Also it is used in jet fuel as a binding agent. Yeast was taken to Mars and used on the rover in science experiments to see if it reacted with the Martian atmosphere. Bill Clinton lost all of his weight by eating 4 gelatin capsules filled with yeast every day and conversely Magic Johnson gained all his weight, despite having HIV, by ingesting 4 deep dish pizzas filled with yeast every day. The Eiffel Tower is made of yeast. Our magazine is printed on is 105% yeast fiber.

About Sarah Godlin

Sarah Godlin, one of the creators of Savage Henry, lives in the heart of Humboldt County, California. She has a bit of a Napoleon Complex, but all in all is a hell of a gal. She's responsible for the fold-in's, Catty Mean Girl, the Monthly Confessions, The parental Warning, many features and a grip of the other funny that make Savage Henry so great. She also wrangles writers. If you think you're a funny writer, get a hold of her. She can loud whistle, play harmonica and back a trailer into a tight space. She's a lefty and a Clippers fan. She's also a Raiders fan but don't hold that against her, she enjoys winning just as much as the next person. You can follow her on Twitter! You can send her emails! You can send her presents! 791 8th Street, Suite 5 Arcata, Ca 95521

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