Things My Cat Ruined by Puking on Them

William Toblerone, contributor

When my cat tore open a large container of shredded parmesan cheese and devoured the contents, I thought he might get a little sick.  When I woke up the next morning, he had thrown up all over everything.  Well, not everything, but a lot of stuff.  Here’s an inventory of the things my cat destroyed with his cat vomit.

Two pillows

The June issue of Cat Fancy

The series finale of Mad Men

Hope for the future

Kanye

My credit rating

The basement

The innocence of childhood

The good towels

The neighbor’s grease fire

Phil Collins’ No Jacket Required on vinyl

Decades of medical advances

My Savage Henry stock

Bill Cosby’s set list

The Freedom Tower

My fucking expensive running socks

A bacon cheeseburger wrapper signed by that guy who directed Babe.

An expired coupon for Triscuits

The spirit of Christmas

My writer’s block

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