Things That Should Totally Be Illegal

Evan Vest, contributor

In 1970, Cannabis was deemed a Schedule 1 narcotic, making the selling and possession of the substance a federal offense. Isn’t that fucking bogus? I think cannabis is a schedule FUN narcotic. Anyway, here’s some dumb things I think should be illegal, maybe.

Crying on television

Talking about your kids on Facebook

Riding a fixed-gear bike with a smug look on your face

Listening to Creed within 50 yards of a school

Fake avocados

Whipping out the Borat impression on the first date

Karate kicks inside of the mosh pit

Watching an entire concert through your cell phone’s camera

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