Top 5 Hottest Toys of 2017

Gage Hensley, contributor









Kevin Spacey ActIon Figure

Denies any allegation that slightly involves him. With Kung-Fu grip that works on anyone who works under him and a button that turns him gay at will.







Mike Pence Toy Roomba

Cleans up political messes you create through any form of communication, from firsthand meets to Twitter rants. (Doesn’t actually clean up anything.)


My Little Voting Ballot

Give your kids the real feeling of doing your country a service by filling out an easy-to-use ballot that decides the fate of the nation. Have your child fill out the form and immediately throw it in the trash. Same effect as a real ballot!


Tickle Me Weinstein

Currently out of production.


Childrens’ Astros Hat from 2005

Finally, a way to let your child jump on the same bandwagon you’re currently riding. With a hat that has realistic vintage look from their last World Series appearance, creating the illusion that they have also been a fan since the loss (even though they most likely weren’t born yet). Go ahead and dust off the ‘Stros hat you only bought when they were doing something and be a lame frontrunningting poser as a whole family!


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