Training Camp Memories with 90’s Quarterback Icon Brett Favre

“I remember this one time we were in TJ — that’s Tijuana for those of you who espanol. so any way me and… shit, I hate to use names. For an anonymity’s sake let’s just say me and Donald D — hell, that’s too obvious… me and D. Driver… aww, damn it… anyway, me and Donald Driver were in Mexico just zooted on some Quaaludes. You know the type of zooted where you can’t tell if she is 15 or 18 but it don’t matter because you are in Mexico? We had just gotten kicked out of a Mexican TGI Friday’s. I think they call it TGI Vierness. So we were looking for some more ludes. Anyway, long story short, D-money tries to buy off an undercover cop. He starts freaking, saying, ‘I don’t wanna go to Mexican jail’ and pussy shit like that. So I look him straight in the eye and say, Hey you’re rolling with ol’ number 4. Remember when we were down by 20 against the Cowboys? Just run a quick out and up, D. So D takes off running and I fucking stab the cop with a knife. I killed him and didn’t even gain his powers. It’s bullshit. Now I have to use Rosetta Stone to learn Spanish like a chump.”

“It was 1998 and me and general manager Ted Thompson were both frying our balls off on a mixture of mushrooms and model airplane glue. Anyway, I convinced Ted to spend our third round draft pick on Air Bud Golden Receiver. Some might call that decision foolish, but they were not out on the field throwing passes to a damn dog while coming down off a mixture of shrooms and model airplane glue. Kicker is that dog was one hell of a player! I mean it, man, he was great! I have never seen such an out route in all my life.  He was poised to have a real career year… until he bit one of our defensive backs and had to be put down right there on the field. (tears up and looks into the sky) Camp is weird sometimes…”

“The year 1997 and it was up to me to defeat a team of highly organized criminals led by Hans Gruber. I was finally able to free the hostages from Gruber and reunite with my estranged wife, Holly. All while shouting my catchphrase, ‘Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.’ Oh shit, was that me or was that the plot to Die Hard? Damn! Well, whichever one it was I did have sex with Bonnie Bedelia while high once”

About Josh Argyle

Josh Argyle is a Stand-up comedian and writer. He is the San Francisco bureau chief of Savage Henry Independent Times and contributing writer. He is a co-producer of the S.H.I.Ts and giggles comedy festival in Arcata California. You can check out Joshs website josh-argyle.com for videos and show dates. Are you still reading this? Jesus we are in a recession, go out and invent some shit.

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