Clarence Worley, contributor
“Space, the final frontier.” True words spoken by a true badass. Oh yeah! His name??? Fucking Captain James T. Kirk — and for three solid years, from 1966-1969, this captain adventured all over the universes, shooting up shit, and discovering all kinds of cool scientific space things, all in hopes of progressing life for the good of the galaxies.
For the most part it could be said that in those three years our brave captain and his crew on the Starship Enterprise did an impeccable job representing earthlings from afar. It could also be said that, like with all governmental galactic agencies, what was presented to the public eye was far from the actual truth!!! Yes, that’s right! I’ve got my whistle to blow and my soapbox to stand on, and I’m here to shine a light on the lesser-known facts about Captain Kirk and his crew.
What? No! NO! NO!!! I’m not discrediting anything our Captain and his fine crew did. It’s important to know that I (like all beings in the universe) still have huge boners for everyone on the USS Enterprise (and their work), but as fellow citizens of the federation, it is important that we all know the TRUE acts and not just what the Galactic Starfleet wants us to know. For sake of time I will list only the top 5 secrets of Starfleet, and leave a link to our website so you can research more and KNOW THE TRUTH!!!
1) Captian James T. Kirk wears the same pair of underwear for weeks, BUT will never wear the same sock twice!
2) Spock never flushes the toilet. EVEN WHEN HE GOES NUMBER 2. #2 #2 #2 gross.
3) Dr. McCoy is HIGH as a motherfucker on morphine ALL the time.
4) Montgomery Scott, the ship’s engineer, is NOT really Scottish!!
There you have it — all the juicy details!