Unbelievable: The Overheard Trump

No stranger to controversy in his pre-political life, Donald J. Trump, now President of these United States, has become even more scandalous after taking office. The slightest turns of phrase, before considered the mere gurglings of a demented reality TV star, are now dissected and analyzed for nefarious and clandestine meaning.

Now, sources within the White House itself are leaking what Trump is saying behind closed doors. Beware: truly shocking utterances ahead.

“These socks are too tight. What’s the point of the really tight band at the top? To make ’em stay up? Huh. Well, I guess that makes sense. Listen, forget what I said before, about them being too tight. I take it back.”

“Which is the Olsen twin with the brown hair? Is that the one who killed Heath Ledger? We should get her in here and see what she knows.”

“I gotta tell you, I’ve only been in like ten of these rooms so far. This place has a lot of rooms. I should get one of these guys with the guns to show me around.”

“You know who I always liked was that Madonna lady. Sang about doin’ it? Yeah, that one. Is she dead?”

“The most useless finger is definitely this ring finger. I almost use it for nothing. Hey, do we have a microwave?”

“Never understood the appeal of The Family Circus. It’s just kids saying stupid stuff. I could draw that. I’m gonna draw that now. Get me the markers.”

“Isn’t the 4th of July coming up? Right, right. In July. OK.”

“Most wood comes from trees, I’m telling you. I’ll stand by that if they ask me in court, too. Won’t back down on it.”

“I was in Prague once, I swear to you, and I’m not kidding, I saw a ghost. Sheet on him and everything. I was spooked, hand to God. Gave me the shivers. Anyway, fire up the limo and let’s go to Wendy’s.”

About Zack Newkirk

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