I understand why people beat their children: Somewhat of a restaurant review

The title is misleading. I do not, nor ever would, beat my children. I just want to yell obscenities at them from across the dinner table when they don’t eat their food. These two kids are the tiniest, ribbiest most seethrough of all short people and it’s partly because they are extremely finicky eaters.

“The tortilla has a brown spot.”

“These are shells, not real macaroni.”

“I saw a tomato seed.”

These apparent deal breakers have all been uttered at my table leading to a “That’s what’s for dinner. Eat it.” from me, to be followed by a Mexican standoff, tears, cold food, and no nutrition.

After last night’s enchilada sauce being too “creamy” for my oldest (what does that even fucking mean?), it dawned on me that I have not even begun to experience pain yet. The real pain comes in January when I have a three-week-long trip to Thailand planned and the twigs are both coming along.

I had better act fast if I’d like them to be alive at the end of the trip. I mean, really. The kids won’t eat pasta if it’s shaped like a shell. Can I expect them to eat Chah benleh krup muk? Hell to the never. But maybe………just maybe if I try once a week up until January I can get some pad thai in them — enough along with peanut butter toast to keep them alive for a few weeks. That’s all I’m asking for, Buddha.

The best pad thai in town, I guessed, was at Annie’s Cambodian in Eureka. I guessed that because the place has never disappointed on any occasion.

At the tip of North Eureka, Annie’s looks like the house Alice in Wonderland got stuck in and not the best asian restaurant in Eureka, but I’m going to go ahead and say that it is.

I ordered the ginger beef. Delicious. Chicken pad thai for the girls. To see if it was palatable for the pickiest children in the world I tested it. ALSO FREAKIN’ DELICIOUS!

The crown of any meal at Annie’s is their garlic chili oil which, I believe, is homemade. The girls opted out. They DID, however, eat their pad thai! Or approximately ⅓ of it, which in my book is a big, big, big, big win.

The way I see it, I get to eat at Annie’s and train child palates once a week, or explain to overseas authorities why two kids enter, none leave.

 

About Sarah Godlin

Sarah Godlin, one of the creators of Savage Henry, lives in the heart of Humboldt County, California. She has a bit of a Napoleon Complex, but all in all is a hell of a gal. She's responsible for the fold-in's, Catty Mean Girl, the Monthly Confessions, The parental Warning, many features and a grip of the other funny that make Savage Henry so great. She also wrangles writers. If you think you're a funny writer, get a hold of her. She can loud whistle, play harmonica and back a trailer into a tight space. She's a lefty and a Clippers fan. She's also a Raiders fan but don't hold that against her, she enjoys winning just as much as the next person. You can follow her on Twitter! twitter.com/bloglin You can send her emails! godlin@savagehenrymagazine.com You can send her presents! http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/f2aa/ 791 8th Street, Suite 5 Arcata, Ca 95521

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