Valentine’s Day Cards from an Anonymous Neighbor


Mike Spiegelman, contributor

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

No, but your car is blocking the driveway again. Happy Valentine’s Day.


Dear Neighbor,

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

People remove lint from the dryer after doing laundry,

And so should you.


Be my Valentine, Neighbor?

You can start by picking up after your dog.


Neighbor — you make my heart go pitter pat,

Like the loud footsteps you make at night when everyone else has to sleep so they can get up and go to work in the morning.


To Apartment 203, Happy Va-‘lint’-ine’s Day!!


Hoot! Hoot! “Owl” bet ya wanna know hoo! likes you!

Hi, It’s not me but I live in the building. I’ve been putting notes on the lobby wall and in your mailbox but it seems that you haven’t read them even though it looks like you can read because you’re always on your phone, so I thought I could reach you through Valentine’s Day cards. Remove the lint from the dryer, keep it down at night, learn to park.



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