Vegas Has an Outlaw Brother and His Name Is Reno

Butch Escobar, contributor

When people come and tell me about their Vegas trip I make the official “Jack Off” symbol and walk away shaking my head. Look at you with your stupid selfie in front of the Venetian making stupid peace symbols or pointing at air like you’re the first person to “live large” in Vegas. Meanwhile your bank account dwindles in 5 hours because that yard of Pina Colada that came in a guitar shaped cup gave you the power of bad decision-making. And all of this only to have something to talk about on Monday when you’re pushing up iron at the local 24 hour gym with your bros. Why don’t you go for some real adventure? Visit Reno.

Yes, I said it. Exciting Reno. Affordable Reno. The biggest little city on Earth is the hidden gem for your sinful needs. If gambling and loose women are your vices, don’t waste your time at the glitzy places like the El Dorado or the Silver Legacy.

The best indicator for a quality Bargain Casino is the bike rack. Nothing says “I’m a responsible person” like riding your bike to the Casino. This writer’s favorite is the Radisson on 6th St. Only a half-hour sweat-walk from the Mega Bus stop, it’s a dirty rotten scoundrel’s dream come true. My accommodations came with the authenticity that Reno brings, like cum-stained mattresses and dried-up pools of blood embedded in the carpet. I didn’t even get this authenticity when I stayed at Animal Kingdom in Orlando.

Enjoy your accommodations as much as possible, but make sure you get down to the casino, where the real action is. Try your hand at $2 blackjack or $1.50-a-hand war. When you get hungry, sample their Happy Hour menu fare, like bacon-wrapped vienna sausages, or their famous hot dog tacos. Yes hot dog tacos. If you’re really hungry, the cafe serves food that can be considered natural diuretics, like chili burgers and pastrami sandwiches that don’t taste like pastrami.

After you get wasted off Bud Light, slowly lose half your money at $2 Black Jack and drown half a pound of hot dog tacos in your belly, you might be feeling a little horny. Well, that’s not a problem, partner. Apparently the Radisson isn’t just this writer’s favorite choice; it happens to be the vacation destination for every lot lizard in Reno. So if you decide to splurge and go nuts on gambling, just make sure to tuck away $20 and a syringe of brown water. You’ll be laughing on the Mega Bus back home by the time she discovers that it’s just brown water and the $20 was worth that toothless blowie that had been sitting on your bucket list since high school.

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