Vince Carter’s Raddest Dunks

I love basketball, and I love people who dunk basketballs through the basket hoop. Vince Carter was a guy who used to slam dunk like nobody’s business, and his travails are well-documented. Here follows a breakdown of Carter’s bests dunks.

5) November 12, 2005: Carter dunked hard on Alonzo Mourning, then wrapped his legs around Mourning’s neck, strangling him to death. The game continued for almost two minutes before officials realized Mourning had expired. Carter was given a technical foul.

4) April 20, 2003: Carter performed a spectacular windmill dunk over the outstretched hand of Arvydas Sabonis in the second quarter, then hung on the rim for the remainder of the game and dunked in every other shot taken at that basket, by either team, with his other hand, until the final buzzer sounded.

3) January 8, 1999: Carter smuggled twenty basketballs into his gigantic shorts at tip-off, then raced down the court and began dunking them, one after another, unguarded, into the wrong hoop, accidentally giving the Atlanta Hawks a 40-0 lead.

2) December 25, 2002: Carter died on-court of a massive stroke, then was carried on a stretcher by his entourage toward his team’s hoop, where he leapt up and jammed home a brutal two-handed dunk that broke the backboard. He had only pretended that he died.

1) February 18, 2000: Carter won his first All-Star Weekend Slam Dunk Competition by dribbling an expectant mother, in labor, toward the hoop, then leaping over several defending pediatric physicians at the free-throw line and dunking the woman vagina-first onto the hoop, causing the newborn infant to squirt through, whereupon Carter caught the infant and raced to the other end of the court and 360-through-the-legs-dunked the child through that rim. Both the mother and her newborn died of the resulting injuries, and Carter was awarded a perfect 10 score by the judges.


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