Water Wars

Sometimes you make up a theme for the magazine months in advance you think “I’ll think of something to write, I got plenty of time.” But sometimes you don’t come up with shit. Wet and Wild? I’ve been afraid of the water since I was 5 years old.

So even when the usually inspiring combination of materials are consumed and still nothing comes up, you toss ideas around the office like a bouncy ball and see if anything hits. Well, you be the judge.

War sucks. I like playing guns, paintball and Modern Warfare and all that. But real war sucks. So what if all wars in history were fought with water balloons and super soakers and the like…What if indeed?!?!??!?!

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The Super Soaker Boston Massacre

In March of 1770 the colonists were hot under the collar about King George and all his Britishness and stuff. Well those Redcoats really cooled them off!

The Water Balloon offensive at Khe Sanh

Since WWI, technological advances with water balloons by the time of Vietnam allowed them to be handheld.

The Bull Run Slip and Slide-off 

image01North and South could of hashed the whole thing out on a super deluxe, side-by-side Slip-’n’-Slide.

The Water Balloon Bombing of Sommes

After months and months in trenches nothing cleaned off the stench like a nice strafing run from the German Air Force.

About Chris Durant

Chris Durant has worked at not working for decades. He has held roughly 100 jobs through his employment career, from a driving range ball picker upper to a door to door film salesman. He started his first magazine, Mean Spirited Willie, in Sacramento around 1997. Since then he has been the publisher of Slow Kids Playing, First Draft, Notes From an American Nobody, Fat Llama Spit and Short Bus Magazine. Durant and co-founder Sarah Godlin created Savage Henry after he was shoved aside as the editor of his local daily newspaper’s entertainment magazine. In the early meetings Durant's wife, Monica, and another writer for Northern Lights, Josh Duke, laid down the groundwork for what the magazine has evolved into. Durant writes, edits, sells ads, manages ad clients and delivers the magazine as well as books stand-up comedians for Savage Henry's monthly comedy shows and its annual Savage Henry Magazine Comedy Festival (formerly SHITS and Giggles Comedy Festival). He also co-produces and co-hosts the magazine's weekly podcast, the Savage Henry Magazine Radio Program. He lives in McKinleyville, California with his wife, three of his children, two dogs, two cats and his Playstation 3.

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