The New England Patriots are infamous for having cheated to win 3 Super Bowls from 2001-2007, but it was thought that they had put their cheating ways behind them; that is, until “Deflategate,” or “Ballghazi,” or whatever you want to call the thing where they deflated their footballs to illegal PSI levels to get to this year’s Super Bowl and beat the Seattle Seahawks, 28-24.
However, recent reports have shed light on even more under-the-rug cheating scandals involving the Boston-area football franchise. Here are some of the highlights from the expose published in Highlights:
CHEAT: The 2014 Patriots are now thought to have meddled with Paul Walker’s car before the actor was involved in a fatal crash.
CHEAT: The 2009 Patriots cheated on their wife, Mrs. 2009 Patriots, with Mrs. 2004 Philadelphia Eagles, as documented by Joey Greco on the television program Cheaters.
CHEAT: The 1994 Patriots had to use a Game Genie to beat Castlevania: Bloodlines for the Sega Genesis.
CHEAT: The 1988 Patriots, being handily beaten by Frank Dux in the Kumite, retrieved some Chinese Blinding Powder they had hidden in their karate pants and tossed it into Dux’s eyes, causing him to stagger around and moan. However, Dux remembered his earlier blindfold training and managed to defeat the Patriots by doing the splits and socking them in the nards.
CHEAT: The 1919 Patriots’ head coach Adolf Hitler repeatedly roofied game officials before the snap, but instead of being fined, he was promoted by then-NFL commissioner M.L. Yates, Jr. to head of the Nazi Party, where he eventually thrived and pursued the deaths of many innocent Jews.