How to be the Weirdest Person at Your Trim Scene

Leslie Small, contributor

 

Harvest season is upon us, and we all know what that means — trimmigrants! Meaning people paid to manicure weed into a profitable form in a room together, often for days and weeks on end. You’re probably asking yourself, “How can I be the weirdest person there?” Check out this handy guide below!

 

– Insist on being nude whilst working, reminding everyone that this is why heroin is so profitable, and suggesting they should follow suit.

– Talk to the weed you’re trimming by apologizing for mutilating it to conform to society’s standards. Bonus points for not assuming its gender.

– Let everyone know that you love to smoke weed but wish so many plants didn’t have to die in the process, as you’re vegan, sobbing intermittently.

– Ask if you can be paid in nail clippings or commemorative clown plates.

– Add small pebbles to your trim bag to increase the weight and minimize your workload.

– Bring your body sized waifu pillow and only talk to her.

– Insist on sleeping outside because you like the fresh air, then yell, “No hobo!”

– Casually mention that you believe the government should stay out of people’s lives, especially pertaining to “interspecies erotica;” you saw the consent in that horse’s eyes.

– Start a lively discussion about how Hitler “wasn’t THAT bad.”

About Savage Henry

Check Also

The Best Way to Stay Anonymous at Your Next Craigslist Orgy

Cornell Reid, staff   Sometimes when you’re perusing craigslist you accidentally end up RSVPing to …