Leslie Small, contributor
Harvest season is upon us, and we all know what that means — trimmigrants! Meaning people paid to manicure weed into a profitable form in a room together, often for days and weeks on end. You’re probably asking yourself, “How can I be the weirdest person there?” Check out this handy guide below!
– Insist on being nude whilst working, reminding everyone that this is why heroin is so profitable, and suggesting they should follow suit.
– Talk to the weed you’re trimming by apologizing for mutilating it to conform to society’s standards. Bonus points for not assuming its gender.
– Let everyone know that you love to smoke weed but wish so many plants didn’t have to die in the process, as you’re vegan, sobbing intermittently.
– Ask if you can be paid in nail clippings or commemorative clown plates.
– Add small pebbles to your trim bag to increase the weight and minimize your workload.
– Bring your body sized waifu pillow and only talk to her.
– Insist on sleeping outside because you like the fresh air, then yell, “No hobo!”
– Casually mention that you believe the government should stay out of people’s lives, especially pertaining to “interspecies erotica;” you saw the consent in that horse’s eyes.
– Start a lively discussion about how Hitler “wasn’t THAT bad.”