Wha’gwan, my Jeffersons! Welcome to The Enlightened State of Jefferson. We are most pleased and gratituded to get you guys all situated in your new life here. Please let me introduce myself; my name is Hambone, and I am your official Caretaker. Now let me tell you all what’s up with the changes, and what we’re all about.
The state bird is the Phoenix ‘cause that is just hella rad and such, not to mention we’re kinda like the Phoenix, if you think about it. Our official flower is an indica/sativa hybrid that my friend Heady Crunchable is still working on. It has yet to be named but I will be open to suggestions. I can tell you it’s hella dope. Super heady. We have also decided that the X’s on the flag was pretty dumb, so were going with a picture of Bob Marley with a phoenix rising out of his dreadlocks. We’re all pretty stoked on it.
Medicine is legal. Each medicine farmer is allowed 10,000 plants. Please take advantage of our official Trimmin’ Prison Program. See, what we did was, instead of punching out license plates, we get them to trim. That was my idea, and everyone agreed it was pretty badass.
In a controversial decision, I can officially announce that all of Jefferson’s drinking water DOES taste like bacon. There is no actual bacon in the water, so just enjoy it. Guilt Free Living is our official model. We would also like to tell you about our official State of Jefferson Kombucha tap that my friend Heady Crunchable is also working on, in your very own home, yurt, or teepee. “Rock the Booch” is our official motto for that endeavor.
Ron Paul and Jesse Ventura have both agreed to represent us on all levels in the political realm, so we’re all pretty stoked about that. That’s teamwork, guys!
In another controversial decision, our State Capital is now Crescent City. Crescent City is pretty stoked on it.
So everyone enjoy and be super stoked with us. We did it, dudes. Love you so very very much. Lets all get together for food sometime.