DAVID NAUGHTON

The Werewolf of Wall Street (Excerpt)

I’m writing a new book that’s gonna blow Martin Scorsese’s dumbass movie out of the water. Here is a taste just to get you idiots pre-ordering my book and reviewing it on Amazon Prime and all the other important websites. Please enjoy!

“Grrrrrrr,” growled the Wolfman named Gary. He was very angry because he couldn’t find the dang street he was looking for. “This navigation app is all off. I swear I’ve been walking in circles for three days looking for the Wall Street. Oh well, at least I’m not on Elm Street. That place gives you nightmares, I’ve heard. I can’t verify if that story is true or not, but that’s just what I heard. I mean, maybe people have plenty of pleasant dreams on Elm Street, but they just don’t talk about them. I think they should. They should try and remove the negative stereotype that Elm Street has by promoting the positive dreams that they have. Anyway, I’m getting off topic; I’m not looking for Elm Street, I’m looking for Wall Street. I want to be on Wall Street. Me, a wolfman, standing on Wall Street, man oh man, what a treat that would be.”

Suddenly, a dracula floated by.

“Excuse me, sir,” said Gary, “Do you know where Wall Street is?”

“How would I know? I’m a dracula and I just flew in from Transylvania. Also I just got hit in the nards.”

“Yowch, I’m sorry. How did that happen?”

“I don’t know, some guy came out of nowhere and slammed my nuts for no reason!”

The wolfman shook his hairy head. “Man, that’s rough, I’ll see you later, ok?”

“Ok,” the dracula said, and then floated away.

Gary kept walking, and then on the left he finally saw a sign that said Wall Street.

“Wow, I’ve been on Wall Street this whole time! Wow, look at these tall buildings! Now I know why they call it WALL street! Because the walls are so high on the buildings. Hahaha, wow, man, that was great. I’m so happy right now, even though usually I’m not happy, because wolfmen have an insatiable hunger for meat, and human meat, too. Man I wish this was human street, not Wall Street. Hahaha, I did it again! Awesome.” The wolfman kept walking, admiring the views. “Well, I guess I’m the only wolfman here. You could say I’m the wolfman of Wall Street. Wow, what a journey.”

The wolfman walked all up and down Wall Street. He was pleased to be the only werewolf on Wall Street. The dracula’s nards never recovered, and he died two months later.

About Cornell Reid

Cornell is a super funny dude who consistently cracks everyone he comes into contact with up. He kinda has the midas touch but for laughs not gold, which is way way less valuable. Cornell grew up in Arcata and everyone said he was "hella tight." Now he lives in LA where he is a very popular stand-up comedian. All of his audiences refer to him as "hella tight." The president recently held a press conference where he said "the country may be going to shit but at least Cornell is hella tight."

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