When Is It the Right Time to Play Kenny Rogers’ “The Gambler?”

We live in a complicated world. Wars, droughts, crime, and adorable, yet deadly bear attacks. The last thing you need is to not know the appropriate time to play “The Gambler.” Well, lucky for you we compiled a guide to help you with just that.

Making sweet love: Of course play “The Gambler,” stupid!  Jesus Christ, if this is even a question we have a lot of work to do. Nothing gets a woman or man more excited than the thought of Kenny Rogers’s face.

At a parent-teacher conference: Does the tank top you are wearing say NUMBER ONE DAD? Well then there is no question about playing “The Gambler.” Show the principal you are the boss. After all you are wearing your formal jean shorts.

While performing a risky surgical procedure: That is a big yes! You gotta know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away and know when to run. You left an empty PBR can your patient so it is time to RUN!

Shouting drunkenly at your daughter’s ballet recital: You paid to get in like everyone else. If they aren’t gonna honor your “request” to stop dancing and play “Sharp Dressed Man,” then it’s time to sing “The Gambler” loud, drunk, and off-key.  

At a Funeral: Of course play “The Gambler.” Why not turn that funeral in to a FUNeral?

At an important job interview: Show your boss you have the stones to make big decisions. Make that first decision, one they will remember, by playing a certain song about a certain gambler.

Playing “The Gambler” on two different stereos at the same time: NOPE! Sure it sounds like a good idea but it will open up a cosmic rip where all of us become Kenny Rogers. If we are all Kenny Rogers then none of us is REALLY Kenny Rogers.

Well, there it is. If you are ever thinking about the correct time to play “The Gambler,” just think What Would Kenny Rogers Do? This applies to most things in life. Unless it is plastic surgery. Then do the exact opposite of what Kenny Rogers would do.

About Josh Argyle

Josh Argyle is a Stand-up comedian and writer. He is the San Francisco bureau chief of Savage Henry Independent Times and contributing writer. He is a co-producer of the S.H.I.Ts and giggles comedy festival in Arcata California. You can check out Joshs website josh-argyle.com for videos and show dates. Are you still reading this? Jesus we are in a recession, go out and invent some shit.

Check Also

Rejected Exit Surveys From Heaven’s Gate

Matt Redbeard, contributor   OPPODY All I know is before I couldn’t stop banging. It …