Dash Kwiatkowski, contributor
Savage Henry: Hi Zorgulox, thanks so much for doing this interview! Tell us about yourself!
Zorgulox: Greetings Savage Henry Readership. It is I, Zorgulox, crusher of flesh, devourerer of time, and harvester of souls. As you all know, I am a timeless, indestructible embodiment of evil, whose deeds have ruined countless worlds. I have done battle with countless immortal beasts and heroes across the infinite dimensions, and still I stand, eyes and chest full of fire. So I think you can all imagine the egg on my face with this mixup. I thought that I had agreed to conduct an interview about my methods for “The Harvest of Souls” for Interdimensional periodical “Savage Henryzarg Interdimensional Times,” but, well, here we are with Savage Henry Independent Times, which I guess is some sort of comedic marijuana magazine? I will answer these questions to the best of my ability.
SH: Tell us what sort of music you listen to as you harvest?
Z: I find that auditory distractions often get in the way, and in general I prefer to hear the screams of my victims as I flay their souls from their soon-to-be-hollow carcasses, but like, probably Radiohead if I had to choose.
SH: How do you feel about the spread of legalization?
Z: The laws of Mortals do not concern me.
SH: What is your favorite method of imbibement?
Z: I prefer to consume the fresh soul live, recently torn from my enemies.
SH: I more meant like, edible, vape?
Z: Oh Gosh, uh… I… which is the most painful method? I choose that.
SH: Do your outsource labor to trimmigrants for your harvest?
Z: My many armies of conquered ghasts and starbeasts. Spread my gospel across the stars.
SH: Have you ever gotten way too high to harvest properly?
Z: I exist on a plane of consciousness higher than the aether-dwelling skyroqs.
SH: Can you tell our readers about any particularly dank nugs?
Z: I… uh… My stardungeons are… dank?
SH: And finally, what is your favorite strain of weed?
Z: Probably Banana Kush, but Bruce Banner is tite.